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Undying Love

I had my shoes tied and ready to go. My girlfriend at the time said she was in dire need to go to the mall to get something that I can’t recall. Remember those days when malls were a thing and retail stores had never heard of their looming death from the giant Amazonian?

We were strolling through the wide, fluorescent lit corridors when I saw Petland. My heart ached every time I would see those poor animals locked behind a cage with a small, smudged Plexiglas window. But I could never resist the temptation to enter those mall pet stores. It felt like a miniature zoo. I would always try to get the big red parrot to repeat some off-hand word with no success…ever.

The puppies, oh the puppies. Who can resist a puppy, not this guy. I wanted to take them all home and snuggle. I wanted all the puppy licks and to smell their stinky puppy breath. It was always so hard to leave those guys behind. Going into a Petland, Pets R Us or Pet World was like knowing your going to get hit by a train, but you stand on the tracks anyways.

But today was different. My phone started vibrating and I reached into my jean pocket and what do you know my mom was on the caller ID. I scrambled to open my fancy flip phone, “Hello mom, what’s going on?” Little did I know that phone call would change my life.

My mom replied, “Son, there is this adorable German Shepherd puppy that needs a home. He’s been dropped off at the animal clinic. Just thought you should know.” Talk about the universe knowing what I was thinking and even where I was standing at that exact moment. This was fate.

After interviewing with the guy who found him lost in a barn, I was approved to nab the little guy up and whisk him home. I got all the fixings to make him feel safe and loved. He was so chill. So chill that I don’t think he liked me much.

But he came around, boy did he come around.

I named him Krypto, after Superman’s dog, plus he was found in a barn.

He stole my heart.

I bought him a kiddie pool, you know one of those flimsy, plastic tubs. His eyes lit up like Christmas. Little did I know the monster I was creating. Ever since water has been his thing. I must tote towels everywhere, there’s a stack in my Jeep right now. After time he earned a new name, the Kryptopotamus. This guy will swim for hours and it took a couple years before he learned to stay out of puddles, like the tiniest of puddles he would wallow in just like the humongous hippos.

He became my best friend and sometimes my only friend. He waited by the door every day with a smile and a tail wagging. It didn’t matter if I was gone a day or 5 minutes that same smile was wrapped on his lips.

Relationship after failed relationship, he was there. He listened. He snuggled. He cared.

Days when I was so tired from working, he gave me the energy to go for a walk. He made me feel alive, he renewed my spirit.

He learned my language and I learned his. I became intrinsically connected to him on a deep emotional level. I began to understand why the saying exist that dogs are man’s best friend. He got me and I him.

I fell deeper in love with him as time went on. He was my brother, my son and at times my guide. He was my rock. I could always count on him. His love never changed, something that is the rarest of rare in the world we live in today.

The love that I gave him, he returned it 10 fold. I thought I had rescued him but I was the one he rescued. I am truly grateful for my handsome, furry friend. Sometimes I don’t know where I would be without him. He has been a major blessing to my life.

He has taught me so much in the short time that I’ve had him. I hope to find a love like that in another human being, a better half, a partner in crime one day.

A love that is reciprocated, a smile that is always there for you, a warming embrace at any given hour.

An undying love.

Lost

Have you ever been lost? Have you ever wanted to get lost? Has someone ever told you to get lost?

I think we all have been in one of those situations.

I remember in high school trying to fit in with the “cool” kids and being told to get lost. And I much obliged them, slinking away feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Maybe if I had the new Jordan’s, a better haircut, more muscles or a new ride. It was all a vanity thing back then and maybe it still is at times. It seems today society values you at what you own and what’s your credit score. Such tangible things and such nonsense.

It reminds me of a quote from Heath Ledger, “Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house as if life was some kind of grocery list. But no one ask you if you are happy.” That quote is alarming down to the core. Just think about it. When was the last time you asked someone if they were happy, when was the last time you asked yourself? It had been awhile for me. My girlfriend asked if I was happy months back and I lied to her face. I said I’m happy while gritting my teeth. I was miserable. I didn’t like my new job, I couldn’t get a full nights rest, I kept having recurring nightmares, I wasn’t working out anymore and deep down I knew the love of my life was pulling away. It was a depressing time.

I was completely lost.

Maybe some of you can relate…we all go through things, we all have problems. Sometimes we wallow in those problems as if they will never go away. Sometimes we chalk it up to being unlucky. Sometimes we blame everyone but ourselves. Sometimes we are just lost for words of why these things happen to us. And all of that is OK. Those are defense mechanisms.

But you can’t stay in that mindset or you will be forever lost.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

-Epicetus

It’s how we choose to handle these problems that define who we are. You have to be resilient in this life or you will keep getting turned around and you’ll never find the way home. Most of the time it is only you that has the map that will lead you out of the forest. It’s pulling the bootstraps up and looking which way the sun is setting so the next day we can enjoy the sunrise again.

If you feel lost, ask yourself are you happy? Figure out what is making you unhappy. Like seriously get out a pen and paper and make a list. Write down all the negative things in your life that is impacting your happiness. Then treat this list as a “To Do” list and get to work. I know it’s going to be hard, I know you will make mental excuses on the way but keep at it. Only you can right the ship, only you can create the map to find your way home. And if you ever feel it is too much to bare seek help through friends and family. If that is not enough seek professional help through counseling or therapy.

Trust me therapy helps. I am a manly man (or at least I think I am lol). I scoffed at counseling or therapy. Turned my nose up at it with contempt and judgement. Then I was devastated with unhappiness, a devastation that dropped me to my knees. I looked for answers everywhere with no luck. I was offered counseling and almost turned it down. I thought inwardly and asked myself why I was being stubborn? My inner thoughts said that I was admitting defeat, that it was too costly, that i would be labeled, that I would be judged. You know who was doing the judging or labeling?..myself. I learned it wasn’t defeat, it was the start of a new battle, the battle to regain my happiness. And the cost…what’s happiness worth to you?

You deserve to be YOU and the best YOU at that. The Happy YOU.

You deserve to be Found.

The Start of it All

The Start of it All

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

I woke up like this. That’s a saying, its usually tagged with a beautiful person in a portrait or selfie pic. But I really woke up with the desire to write. So here I am posting something, anything…at least that’s what all my research has said to do. Write from within, they say…well here I am coming to you raw and unfettered. This is where my journey has begun, the base of the mountain, the starting line of the marathon, the soil for the seed to grow.

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About me

Dog Lover, Outdoor Enthusiast and Smile Producer

This is all new to me. I woke up one day and just needed to write…my soul was calling me to action. And how can you deny the inner you?

You can’t is the answer.

I’ve searched my whole life for what is right, what feels right, how to be right. I never once thought is this right for me? This blog is my eternal search for my center and maybe just maybe it can help someone along the way.